After a dance career of 20 years, it would be easy to wax poetic about the indescribable magic I feel onstage or in the rehearsal studio. While there are moments when it truly feels like a dream come true, the reality is that there are countless times when the magic fades, and the difficulties of this career become almost overwhelming.
In those moments of doubt, I realize just how deep my love for dance runs. Dance has been the longest and steadiest relationship of my life. I started dancing because it was all I could talk about as a child. Despite my shyness in public, dance gave me a voice and allowed me to express myself in ways that words never could.
As I grew as a person and dancer, my love for dance evolved into an infatuation, sometimes even an obsession. I was driven to become the best dancer I could be, constantly striving for perfection and learning as much as possible. Achieving my dream of becoming a professional ballet dancer was just the beginning. Once I reached that goal, my passion was fueled by working hard for roles that stretched my abilities.
As in any relationship, growing together with dance can be difficult. It is not always magical, butterflies-in-your-stomach love; it requires cultivation and sometimes feels like work. Life, both outside of and within dance, can throw unexpected challenges your way, affecting the love you once felt and making it seem less genuine at times. However, I am known for saying, “Even at life’s lowest points, I can never imagine myself not dancing.” And this still rings true.
Now, as a senior member of the dance world, I am not driven by obsession. I am drawn to art and art makers who push the way I think and how I view the world, and who can help develop my artistry. I no longer strive for technical perfection, but instead ask myself: Do my performances and my dancing touch someone?
I find myself extending my purpose in dance beyond personal fulfillment. I dance to be a beacon, an example for dreaming ballerinas who might need someone who resembles them to look to for inspiration. It is this stepping outside myself, this desire to be an example and to help others in their pursuit of a career in dance, that continues to fuel my passion and love for this art form.
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