Intergenerational trauma around money
Science has proven intergenerational trauma exists. Essentially, when our parents or grandparents experience oppressive and/or distressing events, this trauma can appear in us, both in our genes and in our mental well-being.
In fact, financial woes can often stem from intergenerational trauma. If your parents or grandparents went through the Great Depression or were living below the poverty line for most of their lives, their views and anxieties around money will have an effect on your current experiences. And it can be helpful for those in finance to see someone’s emotional reactions may have nothing to do with the current conversation, but may be due to some unresolved or unprocessed financial trauma from generations past.
What you can do: It may be difficult to interpret someone’s responses as intergenerational trauma. It can often take therapists a while to uncover this information themselves. So, the best thing to do here is understand that some people have very deep-seated challenges around money and finances, and try not to take anything personally. Focus on building a trusting and open relationship with your client, and hopefully your client will respond in kind.
Outward emotions that seem negative
What goes on with the body when we are emotionally distressed varies person to person. So, it’s important to note that these reactions are involuntary and hard for someone to control. Most of us have heard of fight, flight or freeze, and the psychological community is now looking at fawn as another response to mental distress. In general terms, fawn can lead to people-pleasing. When a phrase or moment lends to someone feeling uncomfortable in a meeting, this discomfort is felt unconsciously, and the body can react, leaving the client possibly distressed and emotionally dysregulated.
For example, fight can mean that someone becomes argumentative or pushes back. Flight means they try to take themselves out of the situation, such as leaving the room or hanging up. And a freeze response could mean that someone stops talking and goes inward, becoming silent. Fawn, a.k.a. people-pleasing, might mean the client is very agreeable even when they don’t fully understand what advice is being given.
When in emotional dysregulation, defence mechanisms kick in and we start to operate from a protective stance, rather than an open, communicative place. Again, this likely has nothing directly to do with the present conversation, but is coming up through unconscious material in the here and now.
What you can do: If you feel an emotional shift happen with a client, try to take a deep breath, and ask if the client needs anything, like a mini break, a glass of water or even a rehashing of the information that you just shared. Their emotional brain may be taking over and they will likely need a moment or two to come back to regulation, if that’s available to them. If they are unable to calm their nervous system, it may be worth suggesting, gently, that they revisit the meeting at another time.
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What can you do to manage clients to better manage their money
What can you do when someone becomes emotionally dysregulated while talking about their money? We’re not recommending that you treat a client who comes to you for financial advice through a psychotherapeutic lens (psychotherapy is a regulated profession in Ontario, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and P.E.I.); however there are some ways in which you can help connect with them with empathy and understanding, which in turn may help you build lasting relationships.
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