NEED TO KNOW
A woman says that her mother-in-law is offering to pay for in vitro fertilization, a procedure she acknowledges is “undeniably expensive”But if she accepts, she’s worried she will owe her mother-in-law Now, she’s taking to Reddit to seek advice
A woman says that her mother-in-law is offering to pay for in vitro fertilization, but she’s worried about accepting for fear of what will be expected in return.
In a post shared to Redditshe writes: “My partner and I married later in life, and now, in our 40s, we’re trying to conceive. We’re currently considering IVF. Financially, we’re doing fine and live comfortably on our earnings, but IVF is undeniably expensive.”
“My husband suggested that we might need to ask his mother for financial help to support our IVF journey,” she continues. “My immediate response was an absolute NO.”
While her husband believes she’s “being too prideful by refusing help,” the woman notes her relationship with his mother is tenuous at best.
“Here’s some context: My MIL has been difficult from the start,” she writes in the post. “She’s treated me like a rival for her son’s love and attention. I didn’t even have the wedding I wanted because I knew she’d make it about her. She still financially supports my husband’s siblings with big purchases—cars, houses—you name it. But it’s always with strings attached. Money is her tool for control.”
The woman adds that she has “worked hard to establish boundaries” and has long “maintained low contact.”
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“My gut tells me that accepting her money will come at a cost—emotional, psychological, and possibly even parental,” she writes. “I fear she’ll see it as buying access to our IVF journey and future child. I can already imagine her insisting on updates, knowing the details of every success or failure, the due date, the gender—things that should be private between my partner and me.”
Now, she’s seeking input from the internet, asking: “Am I wrong to refuse financial help, knowing it might limit the number of IVF cycles we can afford, and possibly reduce our chances of becoming parents? Or am I right to draw a firm boundary now—to protect my future nuclear family from interference and control?”
Other Reddit users are advising the woman not to accept the financial help.
“She absolutely will use this for control at some point. If you have the funds for IVF yourself then it’s a no-brainer,” wrote one commenter.
Added another: “She’s going to think it’s her baby if she helps financially.”
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