There’s a scene in season 3 of The White Lotus that made me cringe. No, it’s not that one. It’s in episode 1 when the three best frenemies Jaclyn, Kate and Laurie (played by Michelle Monaghan, Leslie Bibb and Carrie Coon, respectively) are exchanging saccharine pleasantries about how “amazing” each other look.
Kate continues to press Jaclyn on what work she’s had doneto which Jaclyn eventually concedes: “I haven’t done anything except, you know — a little maintenance. The basics.”
A visibly uncomfortable Laurie shifts on her feet, her nervous energy palpable as she nods along awkwardly and pours herself a goblet of wine. Her reaction hit me hard, mostly because I felt seen.
I’m a Laurie working in a world of Jaclyns, and I don’t know how I feel about it.
It almost feels fraudulent to be a 38-year-old with the word “beauty” in my title who doesn’t have a standing Botox appointment with a derm I’m on a first-name basis with. Why haven’t I tried the CO2 laser resurfacing for my acne scars? Don’t I want to combat tech neck before it’s “too late”? Is the window of “preventative” anti-aging closing as I stare down the barrel at 40?
Fabio Lovino/HBO
For the record, yes, I have a dermatologist. But my doc is in New Jersey where I live and I mostly go to her (or the PA who is on rotation that day) for skin cancer screenings and treatment for my hormonal acne. You know, like a regular person. But in the beauty editor world, you probably share a derm with J.Lo and that person is armed with every cutting-edge laser/light therapy/muscle paralyzer at their disposal, all complimentary to you (free skin treatments are a perk of the job since it helps to try this stuff when you write about it).
It seems everyone in my professional sphere has found that derm — and one thing about beauty editors is they don’t gatekeep. They write well-reported, honest 2000+ word think pieces (I read them all) reviewing the latest cosmetic procedures on the market — the same ones that are collecting dust in a folder in my inbox. Collectively, they have every dermatologist in the tristate area on speed dial. And while I’ve confidently interviewed MDs about some of these procedures and the celebrities who are fans of them, I personally haven’t really explored any. And for a 38-year-old Style and Beauty Director in N.Y.C. who has been in publishing since the age of 22, that’s basically unheard of.
Season 3 of HBO’s ‘White Lotus’.
HBO/ Warner Bros.
Finding myself trapped in the plastic surgery corner of TikTok doesn’t help this spiral. There’s the bleph boom where influencers in their 30s are sharing the incredible results from their upper eyelid lifts alongside captions like, “It awakened my whole face!” And then, of course, the Lindsay Lohan of it all — internet sleuths will not sleep until they find out exactly what’s behind her youthful glow.
I also think staring at red carpet photos of beautiful humans for the past 15 years of my career has turned me into my own plastic surgery truther — for better or worse.
“There is a reason that people in Hollywood look good from every angle,” Dr. Barry Weintrauba board-certified plastic surgeon based in New York City, told me earlier this year. “Their careers depend on their looks, they take full advantage of the procedures that most benefit them, such as facelifts, neck lifts, eyelid lifts, tip-plasty of the nose, full rhinoplasty, subtle buccal-fat-pad removal, chin augmentations and neck liposuction. These surgeries provide a foundation, while non-invasive options like Botox, fillers and advanced laser treatments help maintain the results.”
“Here is a secret: The public only notices when actors have bad plastic surgery. When they have surgery that is performed by an experienced surgeon with complex techniques and a sophisticated aesthetic, the public never suspects anything!”
I’m a firm believer that everyone should do what makes them feel their best, but for me, maybe the constant exposure and knowing that the next cosmetic procedure is just one “We Tried It” away, has created this weird block — like, “I’ll get to it… eventually!” The past four years of my life have been dedicated to my two kids, the struggle to get pregnant, stay pregnant and then the beautiful f—— chaos that is motherhood, from breastfeeding to sleep training to returning to work to the daycare scene and beyond. And maybe it’s the cumulative exhaustion that comes along with all that, because lately I feel like my tretinoin prescription just isn’t cutting it.
People’s Style and Beauty Director Brittany Talarico.
While in my professional circle I feel like I’m the only one who isn’t getting work done, in my personal circle it’s quite the opposite. My closest friends of 25 years are not as easily influenced nor do they feel the same peer pressure — they’re renegades! Sure, we swap our favorite skincare products and we bond over how our toddlers are rapidly aging us, but no one is hosting a bubbles and Botox party any time soon. We also talk about the importance of modeling self-acceptance to our kids. And the funny thing is, I don’t even see the wrinkles they complain about the same way that I see mine glaring back at me. It’s rather the opposite, I’m inspired by how great they look. (Especially for a group of girls who spent our summers working at Jersey Shore beach clubs not reapplying sunscreen.) I’m also inspired by their parenting, careers and so much more.
PEOPLE’s Style and Beauty Director Brittany Talarico.
My 20-year high school reunion is later this year. Do I want people thinking I look “waxy”? (IYKYK) No. But do I want to look snatched? Of course I do. So maybe the next time I’m at a dinner with my glass-skinned colleagues, I’ll crowd-source some recommendations to keep in my contacts. And when and if I decide to get something done, I’ll be sure to share it with everyone on the internet.
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