Deal With Problematic Dance Mother and father

In the competition dance world, with its high stakes and high tensions, difficult parental behavior—from complaining about scoring to offering unsolicited corrections—is especially common and can be seriously disruptive. Yet most dance parents believe they’re acting in their child’s best interest. So what can studio owners, competition directors, and students do to navigate problematic parent situations with grace and respect?

Setting the Stage

To prevent blow-ups, Larkin Dance Studio co-owner Michele Larkin recommends establishing expectations early. “We have a parent meeting before our season even starts,” she says. There, she encourages parents to communicate concerns, but she also asks that they assume positive intentions so everyone can work together to solve problems. Mackenzie Larkin Symanietz, Michele Larkin’s niece and fellow teacher, asks parents to wait 24 hours after (non- time-sensitive) issues occur before having a discussion with studio leadership. “The worst conversations happen in the heat of the moment,” Symanietz says.

The nature of competition dance means outcomes like winning awards or scholarships are far more visible than day-to-day growth, making it easy to fall into the comparison trap. When parents file complaints rooted in comparison (“Why is Susie in the advanced competition number when my child is technically stronger than she is?”), Dr. Chelsea Pierotti, a professor of sports psychology at the University of Colorado, Boulder, recommends having a script ready. Saying some- thing like “I don’t talk about other people’s children, and I hope you appreciate that I wouldn’t talk about your child to another parent, but I’m happy to talk about how your child is doing” shifts the focus to growth. That can help make the conversation productive rather than gossipy, Pierotti says.

Dr. Chelsea Pierotti. Photo by Bree Vinston, Courtesy Pierotti.

Turning Tension Into Teamwork

When parents act in an overbearing way, Pierotti believes it’s sometimes because the dance-parent identity is deeply tied to their sense of purpose. She recommends that teachers offer up alternative ways parents can support their children, such as helping to prepare their costumes or providing snacks for the competition team. “That way, they can continue t be a competition dance parent, without exacerbating the problem,” she says. A little perspective is healthy, too: If complaints from parents are routine and feature common themes, it might be worth reconsidering the studio’s conduct or policies.

It can be difficult for students with parents who mean well yet behave harmfully to address the conflict. A good start, Pierotti says, is for the student to be honest with their parents about their feelings: “I know you’re trying to be invested, but when you bring up how I compare to the dancer I’ll be competing against, it makes me more nervous, and I want to focus on myself.” In more extreme situations, bringing in a teacher or another trusted adult to mediate the conversation can be necessary.

Diffusing Difficult Conversations

Competition directors, judges, and faculty also often face sticky situations with parents. New York City Dance Alliance guest faculty member and judge Gracie Anderson has discovered that a combination of real talk and vulnerability can help defuse tensions. When she received a message from a disgruntled competition parent regarding perceived favoritism, she addressed the problem by kindly correcting any untrue assumptions, and clarifying elements of her role as a judge/ teacher that may have been misconstrued. Then, recognizing the parents’ concern for their child and the disappointment they felt that weekend, she shared pieces of her own story.

Gracie Anderson teaching at New York City Dance Alliance. Photo by Evolve Photo and Video, Courtesy Anderson.

“Growing up, I never made the top 30 at competition until I was a senior,” she told them. “Look at me now! Hard work pays off, but positivity and making the best of every rejection, frustration, and situation is key.” The candid exchange resulted in an apology from the parent.

By setting boundaries, focusing on growth, and reframing frustrations, industry leaders can work with parents to create a positive, supportive environment for young dancers. Inappropriate parental behavior at competitions often stems from the parent’s desire to see their child succeed—a goal shared by educators. “Remind parents that you are allies, and you each want the child to love dance, have fun, and grow,” Pierotti says.

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