NEED TO KNOW
One man’s parents have repeatedly chosen to share devastating news during his biggest milestones, from school plays to birthdaysAfter years of feeling unheard and emotionally sidelined, he stopped communicating with them when he left for collegeThough his parents called him “petty,” his siblings support his decision and believe their parents are in denial
A man turns to the Reddit community for support after his decision to distance himself from his parents, sharing a lifetime of painful experiences that have left him feeling isolated and misunderstood.
The 21-year-old, who is the oldest of three siblings, writes in his post“This was a long running thing with my parents and something my siblings (19 and 17) commented on.”
From a young age, he says his parents have made “weird decisions about breaking bad news,” often choosing moments that were supposed to be special for him to share devastating updates.
Stock photo of a man sad on his birthday.
Getty
He recalls, “It started when I was 7. I was the lead in our school play and 20 minutes before the play (started) my parents decided to announce (that) my great grandma was dying.” The news, which his parents had known for days, left him in tears and unable to perform. “I messed up the whole play and couldn’t get a single line right.” he writes.
The pattern continued as he grew older, with his parents delivering difficult news at the worst possible times. “When I was 9 it was the day of my assessment for learning disabilities. My parents announced on the way home that dad had lost his job 3 weeks prior so they could have waited another day or two to tell us and we’d have to make a lot of changes in our lives.”
He confesses that, as a child, he wondered if his parents “saw my learning disabilities as a burden on top of everything and resented me for it.”
Even joyful occasions were overshadowed by heartbreaking revelations. On the morning of his 10th birthday party, his parents told him “they had to put our dog down two days before and had not sent him to our grandparents house for a few days to not have him running around during the party.”
Instead of celebrating, he was left grieving a beloved pet he never got to say goodbye to. The trend of delivering bad news on significant days didn’t stop as he entered his teenage years. “They announced they were getting a divorce on my 15th birthday,” he reveals, adding another painful memory to a growing list of ruined milestones.
Perhaps the most shocking incident came when his mother waited until his graduation to share her cancer diagnosis. “She’d known for two months. Just waited and again on a day important for me.” He describes feeling blindsided and unable to process the news during a moment that should have been filled with pride and accomplishment.
After moving out for college, he decided to “drop the rope” with his parents, choosing not to call or text them. “I didn’t even check in on mom. I spoke to my siblings every day, sometimes twice a day. But I didn’t invest in my relationship with my parents,” he says.
He made a conscious choice to spend holidays and breaks elsewhere, building a new support system and focusing on his own well-being.
His parents, he says, initially thought he was “just being a typical first time college kid,” but as time went on, his absence became more noticeable. The reality hit home when they saw on Instagram that he had moved into an apartment with friends and was putting down roots in a new city.
Stock photo of a man stressed with his parents in the back.
Getty
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Eventually, his parents confronted him about the growing distance. “They brought up the elephant in the room and I was honest. They asked me why I never talked to them about it and I said it wasn’t something I should have to bring up because they weren’t announcing things as they happened.”
He told them, “they didn’t forget when my birthday was or that I was 10 minutes away from performing in the school play. And the lack of sensitivity made them less approachable.”
His parents accused him of being “petty” for pulling away, but his siblings see things differently. “My siblings think they’re just heavily in denial,” he writes.
Now he’s wondering if his decision to step back from his parents is justified after years of feeling that his most important days were overshadowed by bad news.
Commenters are offering empathy.
“Enjoy your peace. Your folks use you as an emotional punching bag and you’re under no obligation to allow them to do that to you,” writes one.
Adds another, “This is a petty speculation, not advice- I wonder how they’d react if you fibbed that you had an upcoming celebration. Would they try to ruin it, then get confused when you don’t react? Like, they must get some kind of sick kick out of what they’re doing.”
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