Money Cobain / Laila!: “Downside” Monitor Assessment

First it was “Not My Problem,” a catchy jerk-R&B one-off by ultra-viral teenager (and daughter of Mos Def) Laila!, who turns the title into a mantra. “Niggas talkin’ shit/Bitches talkin’ shit/It’s not my problem,” she sings, warm but cheeky, drawing from the teen prodigies of the ’90s like Brandy and Aaliyah. Great song. Then the track was remixed into a snippet by New York man of the moment Cash Cobain, weaving her vocals into a predictably horndog “sexy drill” anthem. Each bar follows a basic formula: Flirty line, followed by a diced-up sample of Laila! singing “Not My Problem.” It’s hilarious. Even greater song. Now, after weeks of way too many rappers and crooners uploading their own versions of Cash’s rearrangement, the official version is here, also with way too many rappers and crooners. To be exact, 14 others over the course of almost eight minutes. That might be a problem.

I understand what Cash is going for by channeling megamixes of the past like Busta Rhymes’ “Touch It” series or the accidental explosion of The Game’s “One Blood,” or even DJ Kay Slay’s “Rollin 25 Deep.” He’s attempting to cap off his summer soundtracking the city (a few weeks ago, I was listening to Power 105.1 and they did a 25-minute mix of strictly Cash-produced songs) with a #moment. But the novelty of the remix wears off before you even finish the song. The formula grows stale fast and none of the new verses are as breezy and fun as Cash’s opener. Actually, I’m not sure I ever needed to hear half of these rappers on one of Cash’s midnight club beats. (Also no Nav, who has been unofficially adopted into the scene, is a sin.) This calls for a ranking:

It’s like watching Ice Cube’s Big3 basketball league (the unofficial NBA retirement circuit).

He’s just lucky Fab is here to take the heat off him.

I appreciate Cash trying to keep things local, but someone needs to take the melatonin away from Don.

12. Rob49

Who the hell wants to hear Rob49 at half-speed? A good Rob49 verse sounds like he’ll need a Liquid I.V. once he’s done.

Teenagers should be banned from the Cash Cobain universe (Laila! doesn’t count, it’s a sample).

She spends too much time doing karaoke of Laila!’s original.

9. Small

Forgot she was even there.

Too much of a loverboy for this world, save it for a Mariah the Scientist album.

7. Chow Lee

Too PG-13 coming from the other half of the 2 Slizzy 2 Sexy duo. He sounds best when him and Cash are in a freak-off.

Worth it for the little high note she hits when she coos “I might do a threesome with two women because niggas (a problem).”

She doesn’t really come with any bars but her smokey voice gives the song a much-needed shake-up. (Side note: Where’s the Karrahbooo verse? She was the only rapper who had the guts to ignore the formula.)

So much attitude packed into less than 30 seconds.

Cash Cobain nominates himself “horniest rapper alive” in his verse, but that title might actually belong to Queens’ Flee, who is here begging for period sex and whisper-singing about his sluttiness.

Everyone else is taking this way too seriously. Thankfully YN Jay’s spurt of screwball sound effects and ad-libs (a nasty ass slurping noise; obligatory chants of “Hol’ on” and “It’s the Coochie Man”) gets the spirit right.