NEED TO KNOW
A pregnant mom of three had hosted large family holidays for years with help from her ex sister-in-lawTensions rose when her brother-in-law objected to his ex attending with a new partnerAfter weeks of conflict, she canceled Christmas and booked a vacation instead
A woman turned to the Reddit community for advice following a major family blowup that led her to cancel Christmas altogether. The 38-year-old mother, who was pregnant with her fourth child, had spent years hosting massive holiday gatherings for her husband’s large family.
“I, 38F, married to my 44M husband for 15 years,” she wrote, explaining that he was one of six brothers and that both of his parents had passed away. Over time, she and her husband became the central hub for Thanksgiving and Christmas because, as she put it, they had “a big ol house” and loved hosting.
The gatherings were no small feat, as relatives typically stayed from Tuesday through Saturday for Thanksgiving and returned again for nearly a full week at Christmas. “We spent all week cleaning (and) prepping for the family to arrive,” she said, describing how more than 20 people filled their home each holiday season.
Stock of a pregnant woman during Christmas.
Getty
For years, one key part of making it all work was her close bond with her ex-sister-in-law, who had been separated from her brother-in-law for over four years. “She’s my sous chef,” the woman wrote, explaining that the two of them, along with her own mother, handled nearly all the cooking.
Tensions erupted when that same brother-in-law suddenly demanded his ex-wife stop being invited. “He has been expressing that he doesn’t want to see nor does he feel like he should be accosted by his ex-wife at holidays,” she explained, noting his feelings intensified after she brought a new serious boyfriend.
The host stood firm, pointing out that the ex sister-in-law was still family in every way that mattered. “I said that exSIL is always welcome at our house,” she wrote, adding that with her pregnancy, she physically needed the help in the kitchen.
Despite the conflict, Thanksgiving went forward, though the tension lingered. “BIL37 is a sour a—– the whole time,” she recalled, though she added that everyone else still managed to enjoy the holiday.
When the same argument resurfaced ahead of Christmas, the family split into opposing sides. Some brothers supported her decision, while others argued that the ex sister-in-law was “no longer family,” a statement she called “so friggin cruel.”
With the stress mounting, her husband stepped in and made a decisive call for their growing family. “This is too much stress for me, and we should just cancel and do something else,” she recalled him saying, after which they immediately booked a vacation.
She then delivered the news to the rest of the family in a group chat. “We will not be doing Christmas this year and we will mail all the kids their gifts,” she wrote, drawing instant backlash from relatives who accused her of overreacting.
Her husband pushed back on their complaints, reminding them of the long history involved. He told them that his ex sister-in-law was “not some stranger or random person” and that she had been part of the family since high school.
The woman also made it clear she was done being treated like unpaid holiday staff. “They don’t get to take all the benefits of the holidays, not help, then demand I do things alone because BIL37 is in his feelings that she moved on,” she said.
Stock photo of a family arguing.
Getty
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In a final message to the family, she drew a firm boundary about what would happen next. “If they wanted to have Christmas that they could host, plan, cook and create the magic with the people they deemed ‘family,’ ” she wrote.
Reddit commenters overwhelmingly supported her choice to cancel.
“I think people are missing the part where BIL only has a problem with it now because SIL has a new man,” one user wrote. “He was fine with it when he was the only one bringing a girlfriend or flavor of the month. Everyone was fine until BIL threw a tantrum. If this were a situation where you were trying to force BIL and SIL to get back together then it may be different. It sounds like it is just one big happy family with a fly in the ointment being BIL.”
“I LOVE that your husband is on your side, not only that, but it’s his family and he suggested something different for your family group, regardless of his brother’s attitudes,” another commenter applauded. “10/10 hubby behavior. Enjoy your vacation, keep your friend and your kids cousins around.”
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