Christian Squires, a company member with ODC/Dance, grew up with a speech impediment and a learning disability. In addition to speech therapy and supplemental education classes, Squires credits dance as an instrumental element of overcoming these challenges. He shared his story with Dance Magazine.
Before I even went to elementary school, I was diagnosed with a severe speech impediment. I could not say R’s properly, and that affected my desire to speak. I also had learning disabilities: I had a high IQ, but the way I was functioning was a lot lower than my potential. I started speech classes in kindergarten and, during recess, did resource classes which helped me with academics. I remember feeling really alone and trapped inside myself, and I was also ostracized because I wasn’t doing the same things as all the other kids.
I went to an arts elementary school, so that’s where I learned about dance. Being a boy in dance was not great, and I was different, but it felt so good I just didn’t stop. Even if people were making fun of me for liking something that wasn’t “normal” for a boy, I think the freedom I found through dance made me feel confident in making choices outside the norm—like wearing pink, or feeling okay with being more emotional and sensitive. In fourth grade, I realized how important dance was to me, and I started doing it outside of school.
In seventh grade, there was a big shift that made me feel more secure academically. Dance fires your left and right brain, allowing the creative and academic to connect. I realized that all these things people were trying to teach me were just formulas. Ballet was also a formula—one that had always made sense to me: You start at the barre and move through the exercises. It helped me with the strictness and the discipline of life and academics. It also helped me persevere through the hardships of being different and having to work harder than I felt other kids had to. Modern dance and jazz classes helped me feel more free in my body. I felt like I was finally outside of my head, and academics started making sense. Things just got better and better.
I think dance rewired my brain. Performing and being in front of people also helped my confidence, which helped me in my journey overcoming my speech impediment. Dance let me find my voice, literally and figuratively. I ended up going to boarding school in 10th grade. I came out as gay to my parents that year, and I think that authenticity stemmed from being comfortable in dance.
Now, I’m a good speaker. I dance at ODC/Dance, and I speak in front of the ODC board of directors and in front of audiences. I’m turning 40 this year, so I’ve been looking back on how I became who I am today. Without my struggles, I wouldn’t have the same perseverance. It forced me to do the extra work to find myself and my voice. Once I found that, it made me even more confident to believe in what I had to say.
Now, I am exploring somatic healing. Because of my personal journey, I’m confident in taking these next steps to utilize dance and movement as a form to help release trauma. My childhood hardship is pushing me into what I’m going to be doing next in my adult life: giving back and helping other people release stored-up hurt.
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